... and I have nothing to show for it. Sophomore year is hard, much harder than I thought it was going to be. I might put up some of my pictures recently, or I might get caught up when something else.
For the last hour, I've been reading the articles of Cat Marnell. I haven't figured out if I absolutely abhor her or if she's my soulmate. Nonetheless, I get her. She's an unforgivable, unforgiving drug addict, but unlike other drug-addicts in the spotlight, she allows the drugs she take to be in the spotlight. A little lost Edie Sedgwick, or a wannabe Andy Warhol Superstar? I figure she's both. She's already so caught up in the world she lives or doesn't live in (in her case) that there's no return. Quit her job and just blogs about her habits. Perhaps pure, gluttony genius? In a way, am I feeling the slightest envy? I've always been attracted to stories about addictions (and eerily, she says the same thing), so I could have just spent my career analyzing the habits of those fucked-up rich kids of the parties that I go to.
And maybe throw in a little of me. I'm not as bad as I used to be. I've put my "chasing-the-edge" dream on hold for while, but I still don't know what I should be chasing. Maybe my story is like that of Frankenstein. Victor Frankenstein spent his whole life exacting revenge on his creation, and when he finally does, he realizes he has nothing to live for. Maybe when I finally figure out what I need to be living for, there's nothing to look forward to. Must I live for the chase?
